August 23…a new hope

It’s been a crazy summer.  I don’t even know how to describe it.  Some one asked me what one woed I would use to wrap up my summer and I said “community”.  Pretty cliche when you come from working in a christian environment, specifically Firwood, but it’ll do.  I think I figured out where I want to pursue life after college and the people I want around me while I do that.  That’s a big thing to realize, but after 8 months away from Davidson and a lot of thinking about life, I feel that I’ve grown to understand some of the important things about life – community, love, healthy living, social awareness.  I left the summer with many more things than I expected.  God works in wonderous ways that we will never fully understand, but that I am learning to appreciate as I grow in Him.

I’m heading into my senior year tomorrow and I can hardly believe it.  I’m excited to take classes and learn and spend time with friends, but already I feel that I’m looking beyond college life.  Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the drinking and partying and hooking up that takes place all around me, maybe I’m tired of the politics, the drama, and the social awkwardness.  Maybe I’m tired of Christian community feeling too intellectual, too naive, or too forced.  There are lots of good things about college and I truly am excited for my senior year, but at the moment I’m lingering in the past 8 months where I wasn’t around the things about college that I dislike. 

I’m not going to fight to change all of these things about college, that’s too big of a task for one man, but I am going to invest in the friendships I enjoy most and pursue the things I love most about being here.  I explored the party scene and it wasn’t that great…and just because it’s the only option is a bad excuse to participate in it.  I think this year I’ll work hard and relax with friends more often, instead of stressing or joining in on stupid frivolity.

So here’s a glass raised to that, a new hope.

The moment after

Certain events have a moment after.  Ok, all events do, but I’m talking about the events that have moments after that are almost events in and of themselves.  Like the moment after a brilliant play or film, the moment after sex, the moment after you say I love you for the first time, the moment after you surpass or conquer a huge fear, or the moment after you finish a massive and important project.  Most big events have moments after I think, whether they are good moments or bad, moments of joy or shame, moments demanding laughter or tears. 

I finished an event a few weeks ago, my trip to Sudan working with WHM, and now I’m in the moment after.  It’s been about 4 weeks since I got back and I’ll be starting camp soon, which can be considered the next event, so I’m living in the moment after and also the moment in between.  Like the mix of emotions accompanying the aforementioned events, these past four weeks have been an odd mix of emotions.  Mostly healthy and exciting emotions, but with the occasional hiccup. 

Of all things, the hiccup has come in my time hanging out with God.  I know I’m a rather routine oriented person and I can have consistent time with God when I’m living in a place where my life follows something of a daily pattern, but I haven’t had that since I’ve been in the moment after….but that’s no excuse for not hanging out with God.  I talked with a friend today about hanging out with God and she said that too often she talks with God all day long in little prayers, but that it’s usually an excuse to not talk to Him at all.  That sounded all too familiar and made me realize the purpose of intentionally setting time aside to pray.

So in this moment after/moment in-between I’ve had a lot of time alone, which has been great for reflection and transitioning, but also really lonely.  I’ve had good friends close by, but not in the situations where I can just unburden myself and rest in their arms, feeling the comfort of Christ in a brother or sister.  I’ve gotten to “debrief” with tons of people, but that makes me feel like a soldier on a mission and I want to be a brother on a journey so I need certain people around to dump on….but either those people or the right times haven’t seemed to present themselves. 

Ironically, the time I have to think coupled with my lack of “purpose,” since I’m in this awkward moment, has resulted in a more complicated mass of emotions, thoughts, and longings.  (I think I’m going to go walk on the beach down here at camp and listen for whatever answer God has for me tonight.) 

So I’m living in this moment after/in-between, going over an ocean of emotion and holding on to the knowledge that my Creator, Savior, and Sustainer has me in His hands and nothing can change that.  Thanks for listening.

Saturday 5/16/09

I’m in America.  It’s weird.  I went to get in the car and started walking to the wrong side…stupid-left-side-steering -wheeled-American-cars.  I am tired of flying for three days and tired from flying for three days.  I’m in the States and I expect to readjust over the next couple days (the culture shock isn’t bad since I’ve done this a few times before, I’m just tired and moving back into a different kind of life).  My (American) phone doesn’t work today, but I think it will tomorrow so feel free to call me when you can.  I hope to see many of you soon.  All my love.  To bed, I go.

Wednesday 5/13/09

I leave tomorrow.  It’s quite bizarre, actually.  I’m really excited to return home and start on my summer adventures and then my senior year of college, but I’m also sad to leave because there are so many wonderful people here.  I’ve been asked by everyone when I will return and it has been really hard to answer them.  I keep saying that I’d like to come back and visit some time in the future, but I don’t know what plans God has for me.  That is the truth, I would like to visit, but I really don’t know when or how that will take place, if ever.  Some people expect me to finish university and then return to work here.  They are rather excited that I’ll be done in a year because then I can come back.  How can you tell these people that God may have other plans for you and you don’t see long term missions in your near future?  I think I’ve been handling these questions well, but they haven’t stopped and my heart feels heavy with so many people surprised that I am leaving after such a short time.  All the same, it’s going to be weird when I leave.

I’ve spent the time since last Wednesday doing random things.  One of the families from Bundibugyo came to visit from Thursday till Tuesday so we had a long weekend of fun with them.  I haven’t been starting any projects because I’m leaving and since we’ve had visitors we didn’t do much work, so it’s been kind of awkward for me.  I feel like I should be working, but there hasn’t been much for me to work on.  I made dinner with Kyle on Thursday….we started at 2:30pm, right after lunch.  We made pizza for 14 people so it took all afternoon, but then we ended up having too many ingredients so we had a lot of extra pizza, which made a nice leftover dinner on Friday.  I led our prayer and worship time on Sunday night and then taught my last class on Monday.  They took turns telling stories in front of the class and it went really well.  I wasn’t very prepared for it, but again, it’s tough when you can’t make a multi-week syllabus.  Story-telling was fun though – yay for alternative teaching methods.

I finished reading Pride and Prejudice today because there wasn’t enough room for us all to go to the airstrip to see the Pierces off.  I really enjoyed it.  It might be in my top ten now.  I recommend it to everyone and need to go watch the film versions now.  I also spent some time with the former Bishop of Mundri.  He’s a really sweet guy who is teaching at the college as well.  He’s been to Ohio in winter and spent some time in Charlotte while he was living in the States so we had a lot to talk about.  I wish we had had more time to get to know each other.  That’s one of the things I’ll feel bad about, I think.  I haven’t had enough time to really get involved in the lives of the people I enjoy here.  (Or maybe I didn’t make enough time for it, sadly.)  Since I left after almost two months and then came back, it’s been hard to develop sincere and meaningful relationships.  It’s also really hard to keep in contact with anyone here.  I’ll be praying and I know that God will bring us all together again in the next life if not in this one.

There isn’t much to write about now that I’m leaving.  I’m starting to process my time here and tomorrow I’m going to spend half the day praying and thinking before I debrief and we have team meeting (and I’ll pack at some point, I guess).  My mind is full of things to come, hopes, and excitement, but also full of my experiences here, the growth and challenges I’ve faced, and the relationships I’ve made.  I don’t know how I’m going to think for the next week while I’m on my way home and trying to sift through so much.  Pray for that, please.  I’ll think more about a short way to wrap up my trip and put it here in a coherent (read short) manner.  I humbly thank you all for your close attention and prayer these past three months and I think I will keep this blog up for a while so if you want to see what’s going on in my life periodically, keep checking.  My brain isn’t working too well at the moment, life overload, so I’ll talk to you all State-side soon and see some of you before too long.  Grace and Peace.

I wish there were rains to bless down in Africa….5/6/09

Someone close to me pointed out that my blog has begun to sound somewhat alarmist, overly-dramatic, and even manipulative. I want to apologize if anyone has been worried or has felt that I’m trying to manipulate you into giving me sympathy or anything – That has not been my intention. My sister pointed out that as Bonds we can be very good at being vulnerable, but we often don’t see that we’re being more vulnerable than is good for others. A lot of people don’t want to hear about all of my problems and so even when I try to be somewhat veiled and unspecific, I usually suck at it and then my desire to be open and genuine comes across as wanting sympathy or being dramatic or worse. I’m dreadfully sorry if that has been the case at all, so I’m just going to leave all of that alone now.

It’s been weird to be back in Mundri. We expected it to be pouring rain every day, but apparently it has only rained twice since we left in the middle of a huge storm. That’s weird and people here are very confused about the weather….stupid global warming. But still, it seems much greener than when we left and just as hot. I was really hoping for a temperature drop, but that hasn’t happened. Kyle and I have moved from the tent on the compound to a tukul on the church compound a little ways up the road. A small house is being built on the compound for Kyle and the two guy interns coming this summer, but it’s not finished so we are just in one of the tukuls on the compound. It’s nice during the day, but super hot at night and that’s the only time we’re in it, so it makes for sweaty sleep….eww. But it’s nice to have some space all the same. I feel bad for Kyle, who’ll be living there all alone when I leave.

So the Bible College has started and the principal asked our team to supply an English teacher so I got volunteered to teach again until I leave. The class meets Mondays for two hours so I only have two classes, but it’s nice to be with all of the guys I’ve been teaching already. They’re a lot of fun and they really have grown in their language skills since February, which is really exciting. Their greatest fears and excitements come from learning English because it’s the basis for all their classes, but it’s still a new language for them. Please be praying that they would learn it well and quickly. And please be praying for the Lord to provide food and materials for them. Since they are now at school, they are not making money and thereby cannot provide for their families, let alone provide food or educational materials for themselves. The school also has little to no supplies for them (including no English Bibles). It’s frustrating to see the extreme lack of materials, the lack of housing, the lack of food, and the lack of tools to allow for any income generating projects (they have land to farm, but no seeds and no hoes to use…and no money to buy any). Since I’ve just finished this book on how horrible the neoclassical system of economics and the dominant forms of globalization are, I’m even more horrified at the way income and resources are unequally distributed in our world. I’m going to start ranting so I think I’ll just stop there.

Pray for my heart still and for a continued attitude of service as I finish out my last week here in Sudan. I’m excited to move on to what comes next in my life, but I want to stay fully invested in things going on here while I’m still here (not something that’s easy for me to do when I am itching to get to the next thing). And you can begin praying for my transition back into the States and all that comes next.

I finished “In Search of the Good Life” and I highly recommend it to anyone who can handle some dense reading. It’s about globalization; the four theories of what it is, their different definitions of it, the ethical concerns based on their definitions, and the how those moral choices either promote or destroy what the author defines as the “good life.” It’s challenging and makes you realize how evil capitalism is (whoops…did I say that out loud?). I think I’m going to try to read “Pride and Prejudice” before I go. I’m actually really excited about it. It’s been on my list for a while, hopeless romantic that I am sometimes. So Willie, maybe we can compare when we land next weekend (I fly into Philly on the 16th).  Good luck to you all on finals and congrats to all the seniors as they finish!

pictures?!?!

teaching class under my mango tree

teaching away

still teaching

Kyle installing our kitchen sink. We made all of that by hand...I mean all of the stuff you can see in the kitchen

relaxing on a Sunday afternoon

In Kampala (Feb) with matatus

Friday-Saturday 4/24-25/09

So Nathan left us early in the morning on Friday and went back to Bundi, we rolled into town later, got breakfast, window shopped at all the touristy shops on the main road, then walked to the matatu station, grabbed one to Kampala, and headed on the last leg of our journey.  Pretty uneventful, actually.  I read “In Search of the Good Life” and listened to music.  We got food for snacks or meals at the store before going to the MAF guesthouse and greeting the two newest members of our team.  Kim is going to be doing counseling and educational stuff and Christine will be doing water engineering.  Both are on for two years.  So when I leave it’s back to Kyle, Michael, Gaby….and 6 girls…eww….so many cooties.  We relaxed at the guesthouse and then went out to dinner.  We came back, I did some internet, stayed up too late, and finally went to bed.

Today, Saturday, was more of the same.  Resting, reading, interneting, and Office-ing.  I don’t have much reason to go into Kampala and I’m trying to save money since I’ve been dropping it all over Uganda so far, so hanging out here is great.  Honestly, that’s all….I haven’t done much all day.  Tomorrow we’re going to go to the Kampala Pentecostal Church, recently renamed Watoto Church.  It’s the big church in Kampala and I’m pretty excited because I’ve heard really cool stuff about it.  I hope all the frolicing at Davidson is going well and that you guys finish strong after this. 

Prayer and personal report in the next blog.

Thursday 4/23/09

We last left our intrepid explorers on the eve of their run down the Nile towards certain death.  But first….let’s have breakfast.

And then let’s bungee jump.

“Wait, what?!?!  You mean we’re going now?  Before rafting?  Not after? …..crap.”

Actually that wasn’t really my response (maybe Nathan’s a little bit).  I was more like….”Sweet.  Let’s do this.” 

So we bungee jumped 44 meters over the Nile at 9am before rafting class !V and V rapids all day.

It was epic.

The jump was a blast.  I went first so I got up there, sat in a chair, got strapped in and coached, moved into position on the edge of the platform while holding on to the roof, put my hands down by my sides slowly….aimed for the arrow on the roof of the bar/outlook across from me where everyone was taking pictures….tried to take several deep breaths….listened to the song that went like “3, 2, 1, Bungee”….. and jumped.  I was in total freefall for several seconds before my lungs remembered to make a sound.  It’s like a roller coaster…..but without anything touching you and you’re going straight down.  It was amazing.  I didn’t get quite enough of an outward dive so I didn’t get to touch the water, but I loved the bouncing up and down as the cord calmed inself from it’s straining and stretching.  It was incredible and yes, I will do it again. (The highest in the world is almost 250 meters in South Africa….done.)

Kyle and Nathan went, followed by a girl and her boyfriend (who drank a beer and threw back two shots of Waragi, the Ugandan 80 proof liquor….at 8am, before we went).  Then we hit the river.  The rafting was some of the best I’ve ever done.  I’ ve been rafting in Costa Rica, Colorado, West Virginia multiple times, and maybe even California (but I’m losing count) and honestly, this was up there with the Gauley River, if not past it.  We did 12 rapids and all were awesome.  The first 8 we did before lunch included some class Vs and class IVs, but it was after lunch that we hit the craziest one.  It was called Overtime.  It’s a 16 foot drop….I think that means it’s basically a waterfall.  It was epic and I can’t believe we survived (ok, yes I can, but seriously…it was epic).  I think that was the one where we flipped.  Then at the end we had to get out and walk around this section that was too dangerous for rafts (definitely class VI for kayaks) before putting in and doing the last rapid, which rocked our socks off…even though we were barefoot anyway.  Then we got to the pull-out, climbed up a hill, and were greeted with kebabs on the barbeque and cold drinks.  It was a blast.  There were only six of us with our guide and no other boats with us so we got the best experience possible.  Riding back, fully sunburned on my arms and hands, in an open-walled, benched truck, drinking a Nile Special (Ugandan beer made in Jinja) after a day of thrills was the capstone to a beautiful day.  If you ever have the opportunity….take it.

Tuesday-Wednesday 4/21-22/09

After a lovely few days with the Wrights, Larissa and I got on the bus heading south to Mbale (coincedentally, the opening scene of Casino Royale with the rebel forces and Le Chiffre – the one in color after the credits – is set in Mbale, Uganda…I think the rebel is supposed to be Joseph Kony, the LRA leader….too bad Mbale is a town and the set looks like Eastern Congo…where Kony really does reside).  It has rained every day so the roads were….death.  No, seriously… we almost died a dozen times on a bus packed with people coming from Maroto to Mbale.  Besides the dirt roads we careened down, the incredible amount of sliding right and left in the mud, and the fact that busses are simply metal bus tops welded to shock-less truck chassis, we sideswiped a passing truck.  We didn’t stop of course since it only hit the back end and nothing had fallen off.  This is why transportation is the most dangerous part of living in Africa and not rebels or diseases.  We met up with Kyle in Mbale (he and Mr. Wright had been working on some engineering stuff in Lira) and Mr. Wright took us to the Arnold’s (a nice English couple working in Mbale) where we stayed the night.

The Arnolds lived in Mundri in the late 70s and moved back to Uganda after raising kids in England.  They also have a very holistic approach to development so we got to learn about the vocational schools, gardens, farm, tree nursery, children’s nursery, youth programs, and community groups that all operated out of the large compound where they lived.  We ate dinner and hung out with their two English interns on their gap year and on Wednesday morning we got the full tour.  The best part was learning about the community groups.  This is run by four Ugandans who go into the communities around Mbale and help start micro enterprise community groups.  The groups are formed of women (since men tend to dominate and control the groups in negative ways) who all bring some money as a membership fee and then begin to contribute small amounts to a community pool.  Any woman in the group can borrow money to begin an income-generating enterprise an then pay the group back.  It has glitches and women sometimes take the money, lying about their purpose to use it, and don’t give it back, but there are 50 groups…so it’s working fairly well.  We’d love to start something like this in Mundri eventually so it was really encouraging. 

We left Mbale later than expected because the bus waits until it’s full to leave…typical.  So we met Nathan (a friend from WHM Bundi) in Jinja about 7:15pm.  Jinja is the town that sits on the source of the Nile, where Lake Victoria becomes the Nile.  It’s a tourist town, but a lot of fun anyway.  This is where we will whitewater raft tomorrow.  We had a great dinner at a little cafe in town….yes I’m sorry, we did do the mzungu cafe with wifi, but sometimes it’s nice to get away from eating off of sticks and out of bus windows (and if any of you like milk stouts, I recomment the Castle Milk Stout from South Africa….lovely).  We took a cab out to Adrift where we stayed, got a drink at the bar and talked with the group from Australia, but then went to bed so we could get some sleep before rafting.  The Aussies wanted us to stay up and drink, but I’ve learned a few things about that lifestyle I’ve tried so I opted for sleep.

Finished “Eat, Pray, Love”….not that stoked on it.  It was fun, but not a good book if you are looking for true spiritual inspiration.  Defnitely made me think about letting go and enjoying life instead of worrying so much, but…not something I’d recommend….sorry if you disagree.  I moved on to Rebecca Todd Peters’ “In search of the Good Life.”  I heard about it two years ago when I saw my friend Abbie reading it….it’s by a feminist, reformed woman and concerns the moral implications of the four major ideologies about globalization….what’s not to love?  It’s super dense, but I’m really enjoying thinking about this stuff.  I also started Shane Claiborne’s “Irresistible Revolution,” which also concerns living out our faith in a very real way.  I think these books will be lovely ways to close out my time in Uganda and Sudan.  And the last two Narnia books.  I’ll give you the prayer update in a blog all it’s own (I’m writing this on Saturday so prayer concerns things that I have yet to write).

Saturday-Monday 4/18-20/09

So we’ve spent the past few days in eastern Uganda visiting a team of missionaries from the OPC.  They have a great ministry in this land of hard to reach people (not Uganda, but this part of eastern Uganda).  The Karamojan are very difficult people to live with it seems, but the team here is full of hope and Christ’s love.  They have many acres of farm land where they grow many different grains and plants to pay their workers.  They also lead Bible studies, have a church, operate the local clinic, and travel around this part of Uganda drilling bore holes for wells.  It’s really encouraging to see others working here for the Kingdom.  Like I said, this area is very tough because the people refuse to work for something they can get for free.  They steal food from the mission’s fields, steal cattle from each other, and even get into conflicts with each other over goods and livestock that turn violent.  It’s a rough place, but the team here is working hard and staying faithful.  You can pray for the ministry in this part of Uganda as its very hard and for the government to provide better ways to reach the Karamojang than distributing food (the soil is excellent, but the people lazy and corrupt). 

            We’ve had some good days of rest after a long taxi and bus ride from Sipi Falls to Nakale.  It’s been great to fellowship with other believers and I’m excited to meet another group of missionaries in Mbale before heading back towards Kampala on Wednesday.  I’m sorry for those of you who check my blog often.  I haven’t had the ability to post since we left Kampala, almost a week ago so this whole week will be posted at once.  I’m trying to keep it short, but that’s not really my style. 

            Since we’re visiting missionaries and no missionary family is complete without a copy of the Chronicles of Narnia, I was able to read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader…probably my favorite last chapter so far.   Still working on Gilbert’s book, but I’m still only so-so about it.  It just seems very relative in its view of faith and God.  She professes that she can’t accept Christ as the only way to God so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  It makes me realize how self-focused and personally charged all religions except Christianity are.  Ours is the only one to say “Nothing you do can save you because you are jacked up beyond your understanding.”  It’s great to have a God that is big enough to handle that too.  Keep praying for me as I wind up my time here and finish thinking about my work here before my mind is consumed with things at home and in Washington this summer.  Love to you all and good luck to those of you finishing school this week!